Consider yourself the brand-new owner of your very own hour and a half of unwasted free time, because I just saved you the trouble of sitting through his televised junior high lunch period. If you're still curious, that is if you still really want to know what you're missing (besides a substantial number of brain cells), then read on.Dane Cook's act is the stand up comedy equivalent of dry humping a bar stool for an hour and a half. He tells stories that would make a 12-year-old boy want to beat him up for his lunch money. For example, did you know that Dane Cook actually saw a guy get hit by a car? He really, really saw it in the flesh and blood...and metal. Doesn't ring a bell? You're lucky, because it means you haven't yet seen a single one of his acts and, therefore, don't know what it feels like when your brain has diarrhea.
Another one of his gems comes right out of the "Things that can Happen to Most People in Real Life that Nobody Cares About" textbook. As it turns out, the pavement in parking garages makes a high-pitched squealing sound whenever you drive over it. What's more is that it doesn't even matter how fast you're going. It really doesn't! Isn't that interesting and funny? You're right--of course it's not. I understand that merely reading about his act can give the average brain some "regularity" issues, so I'll break for a second while you go read a few sentences out of The Economist or something.
All better? Good. I'm sorry you had to go through that, but let's face it--you're too stubborn for your own good. I warned you about reading on, you know.
Of course, if you didn't need a break after reading his paraphrased material and, in fact, think Dane Cook's act is interesting, then you need a CAT scan. It likely means your head was full of diarrhea before you sat down to watch him perform and, therefore, you didn't realize that something was wrong afterward.
