First of all: What the Hell is this supposed to be?I'll think about that face in the toilet first. It's fucking everywhere, so the band definitely really, really want to be associated with it. Is that supposed to be their Eddy? I might have thought so, except that the basin monster pictured left never looms over Disturbed's members menacingly as they perform on stage. That means it's nowhere near as cool as Eddy. Maybe they're trying to pull a Mushroomhead--maybe they've created a branding symbol to make themselves more recognizable while helping them look "mean" or "evil." But, Mushroomhead put (or at least used to put) passion into their performances and about 6/8 of the band wore masks to match their insignia on stage. So, if they're taking a page out of Mushroomhead's book, it's one of the useless ones like the dedication page.
So what is it? I've been thinking about it since I saw their embarrassing performance at the Mayhem Festival in San Antonio a few weeks ago, and I finally think I understand. They put shit face everywhere because David Draiman is an overcompensating pussy. I suppose he feels that if he can't in any way resemble a man when he performs, then maybe he can hire a two-dimensional drawing to help him out. It's kind of like giving a politician a mohawk, if you ask me. If he bears any relationship to the Prince of Darkness like that menacing visage in the throne would attempt to indicate, then he's the Devil's 3-year-old Christian niece. If you're unfamiliar with Disturbed's vocalist Draiman, then scroll down a bit--I managed to find a shot of him in action after one of his recent performances.
Draiman holds a fan's bottle of beer while the starstruck man pays his respects.Now, how about that lackluster subtitle (see that picture which opened the post)? "Ten Thousand Fists?" Sorry guys, I know a bondage-obsessed sorority whore who already used that title somewhere else. As far as their band goes, though, it's another amateur way to connect with the junior high school preconception of heavy metal culture. Little kids think heavy metal is all about pumping your fist and anticonformity. In reality though, we all know it's about getting drunk, headbutting a buddy or two in the face, and a little bit of middle finger trading every now and then. Coincidentally, that full-fledged salute to prepubescence would also likely make a great title for any sex tapes he may leak in the future.
Secondly: Disturbed are a four-piece testament to weakness and yeast infections. Listen to them on their records and they just sound like a meager version of what Jock Jams would sound like if it were a metal album. "Get up, come on, get down with the sickness. You mother get up, come on get down with the sickness. You fucker get up...[3 minutes later without any section changes]...come on get down with the sickness." Ok, Dave, we understand what it is you want us to do--give the motivational chant a rest. What's next? "Get, get, get...get psycho. Get, get, get, I wanna get psycho. Get, get, get, get...get psycho [x5 or a million]." Somebody go and get this guy a pair of basketball shorts and a mesh tank top before anyone else confuses his band for a metal act.
Secondly: Disturbed are a four-piece testament to weakness and yeast infections. Listen to them on their records and they just sound like a meager version of what Jock Jams would sound like if it were a metal album. "Get up, come on, get down with the sickness. You mother get up, come on get down with the sickness. You fucker get up...[3 minutes later without any section changes]...come on get down with the sickness." Ok, Dave, we understand what it is you want us to do--give the motivational chant a rest. What's next? "Get, get, get...get psycho. Get, get, get, I wanna get psycho. Get, get, get, get...get psycho [x5 or a million]." Somebody go and get this guy a pair of basketball shorts and a mesh tank top before anyone else confuses his band for a metal act.
